Assault and De"Battery"

Sorry I haven’t written in a while.  I’ve been consumed with my schoolwork, and on top of that, I received an all expenses paid grant to study in Italy and Austria over the summer.  I’ve had to get a passport and fill out forms so that I’ll be ready to travel in May.  

After my allotted time in Italy and Austria, I plan on staying longer and getting the full European backpacking experience.  Whenever I get free time, I’ve been planning my Europe trip.  However, in order to fund this excursion, I’ve had to start saving/making money.

Right now, I’m sitting in my grandmother’s living room in the middle of a giant yard sale.  So far I’ve made about $200; however that isn’t my problem.

Does anyone remember Furbies?  Those annoying furry bird-mammals that say random nonsensical phrases. 

Well, there is one out there.  It wouldn’t bother me if it were turned off; however, my 6 and 7 year old cousins continue to turn it on.  So whenever I’m not expecting it, that demonic thing starts talking and scares the crap out of me. 

I hate it. 

They have a little bake sale area outside, where they sell cookies and lemonade.  Except when they take him over there, the stupid Furby starts sneezing.

“AHCHOO!”

I don’t want fake Furby boogers all over the cookies!

And then when they get bored with selling cookies, he’s left over there.  So when I’m walking around—selling different items—I forget that he’s there.  He has a motion sensor, so when I walk by he goes off.

And in case you don’t know what a Furby is, they have these creepy high-pitched voices that are terrifying.






BUT WAIT!  What’s this in my pocket?  Batteries?  Where did I get these?  I’ll tell you where I got them.

When my cousins got distracted and Furby was left defenseless, I snuck up behind him and—I’m ashamed to say—I mugged him.  I ripped his insides out and left him dead and bleeding.

What can I say?  Even though this neighborhood is predominantly little old ladies, you got to watch your back.  You never know when your going to be the victim of an assault and debattery.  

16 comments:

  1. I do not know what a Furbie is, but I do know he sounds a lot like ig mouth Billy bass!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tiff,
    You have a very unique drawing style. Do not lose that. That's what I love about this blog.
    Camille
    Ps: I was the one who found your blog by searching "the Cheshire cats out of the bag Tiffany." I. Case you were wondering.
    Pps: Did you know about the stats tab on your blogger home page? Its amazing! It tells you everything about everyone who reads your blog!
    Pppps: please get rid of the annoying "enter letters in box before posting your comments" thing. It's annoying. You can dispose of it under settings.
    Ppppps: love the blog! Or did I al ready say that? :)
    Ppps: you should add some polls! Add gadgets under the design tab. Polls are under gadgets, FYI.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha! My order of post scripts got messed up. Oh well! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Also I'm viewing this on an iPad, if you wanted that info to. I know I would!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Battery charges aren't all that you faced that murderous day. The instigator of the evil furby commited the assault crime on your personal harnessed bolders. So in all fairness, the furby had to die.

    ReplyDelete
  6. HA HA!! I forgot about that! How could I forget about the inappropriate boob grab from a 6 year old...

    ReplyDelete
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