It's My Birthday Today, But This Post Has Nothing To Do With That

My personality is very…off.  In case you didn’t catch it in my earlier post, I’m going to Europe.

I’m a grad student in the college of International Hospitality, Restaurant and Tourism Management—which ultimately means, international travel.

The dean of our college has given me and a friend full paid grants to study in Italy and Austria for two weeks; however, as the plane tickets are paid for by the college, we’ll be going earlier and staying later than most of the other students.

The friend that is going with me—for all intensive purposes—you guys can consider her my sidekick.  Her name is Kristin; however, for this blog, I’ve decided to call her ‘Patsy’ so that her role in our friendship is clearly defined.  And in case she’s reading this, and she more than likely will… I just have to say, “This is what you get for not making me a homemade cake on my birthday, Patsy.”

Now, back to my original point.  My personality is off.  Why you ask?

I’ve NEVER been on a plane.  EVER.  Which is rather unsettling.  So in order to better prepare myself for the reality of boarding and surviving several different flights—two of which will be across the Atlantic Ocean, I decided to watch Snakes on a Plane, which I had never seen before. 

That is correct.  I said Snakes on a Plane.

So, when the mother-fucking snakes attack the mother-fucking plane, I’ll be ready.  Except, I watched it on television—so… when the monkey-fightin’ snakes attack the Monday-to-Friday plane, I’ll be ready.  By the way, TNT, that was a lame edit.

But nonetheless, I’ll be prepared.

What to pack:  one can of hairspray and a lighter (for a makeshift flame thrower), 

small dog (to distract the hungry anaconda), 

olive oil (to suck out the venom), and How to Fly a Plane for Dummies (for when the pilot dies of multiple snake bites).

Next, I think I’ll watch that episode of the Twilight Zone where the guy looks out of the window and sees a monster on the wing of the plane.

I need to know the best way to react in that situation as well.  Hey, don’t give me that you-are-so-freaking-paranoid look. I just want to be prepared for all possible scenarios.

P.S. -- It really is my birthday, so make any birthday checks payable to cash...