It's the Final Countdown...

I'll be back in just about 9 days...  Sorry for making you wait so long, but I'm definitely worth it.

Give Me Just A Little More Time

Right now, I'm in Barcelona.  My European Grand Tour is on it's last month.  And, I promise that when I return to the states, I'll give you the 411 on all of my European adventures.  I have notes on everyday that I've spent over here, so when I get back, I'll write/animate blogs until my whole trip is told.  Just be patient. I return July 11th.  After that...I'm all yours.

"Get Thee to a Nunnery"

Since I've started my European Tour, I've had plenty of eye opening experiences...  So far their are plenty of things that I get to try, but I'm homesick for some of the things I've left behind.

Such as:

   Ranch Dressing (Why does no one know what that is?  It's delicious!)
   Driving
   Friends and Family
   T.V. (only a little)
   Showers
 
and last but not least........

   Internet

That's right.  Since I've been in Europe, I've hardly found any decent internet.  And isn't it funny that today, when I have the best internet connection yet, I happen to be sitting in a nunnery.  That's right!  A nunnery.

Nuns have the fastest internet around.  So if you're looking for some decent time online, take a page from Hamlet and "get thee to a nunnery."

It's too bad I have to leave tomorrow morning.

Well, like I said, good internet is hard to find; so my blogs may be a lot scarcer than I'd like.  I'll try to post regularly, but I'm not making any promises.  It's just too hard.

It's My Birthday Today, But This Post Has Nothing To Do With That

My personality is very…off.  In case you didn’t catch it in my earlier post, I’m going to Europe.

I’m a grad student in the college of International Hospitality, Restaurant and Tourism Management—which ultimately means, international travel.

The dean of our college has given me and a friend full paid grants to study in Italy and Austria for two weeks; however, as the plane tickets are paid for by the college, we’ll be going earlier and staying later than most of the other students.

The friend that is going with me—for all intensive purposes—you guys can consider her my sidekick.  Her name is Kristin; however, for this blog, I’ve decided to call her ‘Patsy’ so that her role in our friendship is clearly defined.  And in case she’s reading this, and she more than likely will… I just have to say, “This is what you get for not making me a homemade cake on my birthday, Patsy.”

Now, back to my original point.  My personality is off.  Why you ask?

I’ve NEVER been on a plane.  EVER.  Which is rather unsettling.  So in order to better prepare myself for the reality of boarding and surviving several different flights—two of which will be across the Atlantic Ocean, I decided to watch Snakes on a Plane, which I had never seen before. 

That is correct.  I said Snakes on a Plane.

So, when the mother-fucking snakes attack the mother-fucking plane, I’ll be ready.  Except, I watched it on television—so… when the monkey-fightin’ snakes attack the Monday-to-Friday plane, I’ll be ready.  By the way, TNT, that was a lame edit.

But nonetheless, I’ll be prepared.

What to pack:  one can of hairspray and a lighter (for a makeshift flame thrower), 

small dog (to distract the hungry anaconda), 

olive oil (to suck out the venom), and How to Fly a Plane for Dummies (for when the pilot dies of multiple snake bites).

Next, I think I’ll watch that episode of the Twilight Zone where the guy looks out of the window and sees a monster on the wing of the plane.

I need to know the best way to react in that situation as well.  Hey, don’t give me that you-are-so-freaking-paranoid look. I just want to be prepared for all possible scenarios.

P.S. -- It really is my birthday, so make any birthday checks payable to cash...

Assault and De"Battery"

Sorry I haven’t written in a while.  I’ve been consumed with my schoolwork, and on top of that, I received an all expenses paid grant to study in Italy and Austria over the summer.  I’ve had to get a passport and fill out forms so that I’ll be ready to travel in May.  

After my allotted time in Italy and Austria, I plan on staying longer and getting the full European backpacking experience.  Whenever I get free time, I’ve been planning my Europe trip.  However, in order to fund this excursion, I’ve had to start saving/making money.

Right now, I’m sitting in my grandmother’s living room in the middle of a giant yard sale.  So far I’ve made about $200; however that isn’t my problem.

Does anyone remember Furbies?  Those annoying furry bird-mammals that say random nonsensical phrases. 

Well, there is one out there.  It wouldn’t bother me if it were turned off; however, my 6 and 7 year old cousins continue to turn it on.  So whenever I’m not expecting it, that demonic thing starts talking and scares the crap out of me. 

I hate it. 

They have a little bake sale area outside, where they sell cookies and lemonade.  Except when they take him over there, the stupid Furby starts sneezing.

“AHCHOO!”

I don’t want fake Furby boogers all over the cookies!

And then when they get bored with selling cookies, he’s left over there.  So when I’m walking around—selling different items—I forget that he’s there.  He has a motion sensor, so when I walk by he goes off.

And in case you don’t know what a Furby is, they have these creepy high-pitched voices that are terrifying.

BUT WAIT!  What’s this in my pocket?  Batteries?  Where did I get these?  I’ll tell you where I got them.

When my cousins got distracted and Furby was left defenseless, I snuck up behind him and—I’m ashamed to say—I mugged him.  I ripped his insides out and left him dead and bleeding.

What can I say?  Even though this neighborhood is predominantly little old ladies, you got to watch your back.  You never know when your going to be the victim of an assault and debattery.