Last Time on The Cheshire Cat's Out of the Bag...

…we left our heroine battling a giant sea-panther with only a conk-spear and her natural charisma. 

Okay, not really, but here are some updates that I meant to give earlier.  I’m sorry I didn’t let you know about them sooner, but I either got busy, wrote a different post, or just plain forgot.

First, with regards to Jet, I have joyous news.  In case you don’t remember Jet, he is the psychotic dog who declared war on me and my clothes.

After a long a tedious battle —with many casualties—Jet finally made a fatal mistake that cost him the war. 

When I first arrived at this apartment, the living room area was devoid of all signs of life.  No posters.  No paintings.  No wall art.  No photographs.  No throw pillows.  No curtains.  Absolutely nothing.

Well, I convinced Jet’s owner, Jasmine, that it would be best if our apartment had some personality; so, we went 50/50 on decorations for the apartment.  One of those decorations happened to be floor length hanging curtains.

As the window, and thus the curtains, are near my room door, Jet mistaked the curtains for one of my possessions and peed on them.  This happened to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Jasmine, tired of Jet’s pee escapades, sent him back home.

Viva la Tiffany.  Suck it Jet.

The second and final update that I have pertains to Skittles Vodka.

After making the Skittles Vodka, I decided that I was going to taste the rainbow.  I got five different shot glasses and filled each with a different color.  I then began.

I downed them in order red, orange, yellow, green, and then purple. 

After shooting red, I had to continue with the rest quickly, or I wouldn’t have had the strength to continue.  They were AWFUL.

Red = Robitussin

Orange = Ipecac with an Orangy-Zest

Yellow = Lemon Dish Soap (Yes, I’ve had my mouth washed out before)

Green = Pine-Sol

Purple = Grape Cough Syrup

So even though they predominately tasted like medicine and/or cleaning products, the only effects they had were upsetting my stomach and then making me feel disgusted and dirty.

Dog Vodka

While surfing around on the internet as a I tend to do when I get bored, I came across a recipe for Skittles vodka.  And then I thought, “Hey, I like Skittles.  I like Vodka.  Let’s make this happen.  I wanna taste the rainbow.” 

So yesterday after class, I stopped to pick up some Skittles, vodka, and a case of water bottles. 

Last night, I began.   The first aspect of my work that might have looked bizarre was the assortment of glasses, cups, mugs, and bowls I had strewn all over the table.  Let me explain.  In order for me to do this recipe, I needed empty water bottles.  So I had to empty the water out of the bottles that I had just bought.

Now, I’m of the “waste not, want not” persuasion, so there was no way that I was pouring all of that water down the sink, and I couldn’t find a single container that was large enough to hold it all.  So, instead, I just began to pour the water into whatever cup, mug, glass, vase, or bowl that I could find.  I’m sure that I looked like some insane water hoarder.

Then I began to sort the Skittle and to place them, one at a time, into their corresponding empty water bottles.

All during this process, as I’m meticulously sorting the Skittles into empty water bottles at a table full of assorted water containers, my roommates began to return to the apartment.  Each one walked in, stood by the table watching me, and then walked away.  No one said anything.

I’ve decided this is either for one of two reasons:

Reason 1:

That’s just the way I am.  I’m weird.  Returning to the apartment and seeing me hunched over the dining room table as I sort Skittles into water bottles like a gorilla mom picking lice off of a baby chimp, is nothing exciting.  Just an average day in my life.

Even, if they walked in and I was chopping up body parts dressed as a psycho clown, I don’t think that they would care.

"Oh, there goes that crazy Tiffany again.  What she doing today?  Chopping someone up while in a clown costume.  Okay, whatever.  Who wants pizza?"

Reason 2:

The Vodka.  

There I was being my normal crazy self beside a very large bottle of vodka.  Which may have caused them to think I’d had a little bit too much to drink before deciding that I needed to start some crazed Skittle experiment.

Once the I was finished, the Skittles were left to dissolve in vodka; however, the problem arose of what to do with all of the remaining water.  I couldn't leave all of those glasses of water on the table.

There was only one solution… Dog Vodka.

I cleaned the empty vodka bottle and put all of the water inside.  I now use that Smirnoff bottle full of water to fill my dog’s water bowl--my dog only deserves the best. 

I can hardly wait for my parents to visit so that they can see how responsible and mature I am when I pour my dog a long stiff bowl of the good stuff.