Virtual Villagers

In case you haven’t figure this out by now, I have a bit of an obsessive side.  When I set my mind to do something, I mean, not only to do it, but to do it well.  And this is the only reason I can give for not posting something sooner.

I’m currently on Spring Break, and I decided that with all of my newly discovered free time, I was going to play a computer game.

The game is called Virtual Villagers.  And I’ve become obsessed.

I’ve been so busy making sure that my villagers don’t accidentally kill themselves, that I’ve hardly had time to do anything else.

The plot of the game is that a volcano erupted and destroyed their island, so a bunch of castaways land on a new island and have to discover its secrets.

You start with 5 people and have to build up a thriving colony.

In my opinion, the inbreeding has made my villagers idiots.  They are truly retarded.

In the game, the villagers can learn different skills including: farming, building, researching, healing, and breeding.

Why then, when I’m running out of food, does my Master Scientist stand around and worry about starving to death when he is standing right beside a bountiful berry bush?  His powers of deductive reasoning aren’t worthy of his title of Master Scientist.  Just pick the stupid berries.

And there’s one lady, that if I leave alone for just a second, she gets pregnant.  I’ve aptly named her “The Slut.”

I’ve also given some other villagers appropriate names.  For example:

In the Farming Category:

            Farmer John

            Old MacDonald

            John Deere

In the Building Category:

            Ty Pennington

            Zena Warrior Princess

            Macho Man Randy Savage

In the Scientific Category:

            Professor X

            Marie Curie

            Einstein

            Charles Darwin

In the Healing Category:

            Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman

            Dr. Kevorkian

            Dr. Phil

            Dr. Oz

In the Breeding Category:

            Pimp Daddy

            The Slut

            The Hoe Bag

            Tiger Woods

            Casanova

            Don Juan

Other interesting names include:

            Numb-Nuts

            Afrotastic

            Old Man

So, today, my villagers have finally created a self-sustaining colony; however, I still don’t trust them.  If I leave them alone for too long, they’ll start doing laundry and rain dances instead of useful things like eating.

That’s all for now.  I gotta keep Tiger Woods from getting The Slut and The Hoe Bag pregnant again.

P.S. – Holy Crap!  I just logged back into my game, and while I was away 11 different women got pregnant.  Thanks a lot Tiger.  I know it was you.